Afro Kiddy

OLD MATEY: When he went back down there it was all a big fuss you know, cuz of his air...can’t be hiding with a bloody great do like that! So they says to him, “Afro Kiddy, there’s no use in running, we can spot you a mile off, where d’you think you’re going?” and of course he’s sensitive about his identity and all that shit, so he’s like, “JEW? Fuck off, pig!” and that’s when they laid into him! Right there in the bloody shops! I could hardly believe me eyes.

WASSIS NAME: Wait a minute, you’ve lost me...who‘re you on about again?

OLD MATEY: You know, old matey, wassis name --Afro Kiddy...he got done for all them daft tags that sprang up, you know, the ones that say “sleg” --Fucking “SLEG”! cuz some other plonker got “GELS” scrawled up everywhere and it don’t take much to notice that SLEG is GELS backwards. But it’s his own tag, man! Fucking sleg... the gels kiddy must be pissing himself thinking “what a bell-end” and rightly so.

WASSIS NAME: Yeah but them tags never mean nothing anyway.

OLD MATEY: Well but at least GELS is a proper word! If I was spraying a tag up everywhere it’d need to be something pretty damn impressive, not a breath of shite like SLEG.

WASSIS NAME: Yeah but like the biggest ones never actually are proper words cuz if they was no one would notice the execution, man, we’d all be hung up on figuring out the meaning…which is gonna be pretty fucking thin on the ground anyway. You want it to look better than it sounds otherwise it’s a waste of time climbing up fucking Debenhams and hanging off the edge, you might as well get a megaphone and just shout it down the street--

OLD MATEY: “SLEG! SLEG!”

WASSIS NAME: Yeah but obviously no one would ACTUALLY do that, I’m speaking metaphysically

OLD MATEY: ---phorically,

WASSIS NAME: Yeah but like what I’m trying to say is, is that if you were gonna bother with it in the first place, which if you had any sense you blatantly wouldn’t, but, like, if you did you would take your time and pay attention to the fucking style of the thing.

OLD MATEY: Well I’ve got enough sense not to do it, but old matey, wassis name? Afro Kiddy… he ain’t got but two bags of sense between his neck and his nostril

WASSIS NAME: That’s one bag more than you got mate!

OLD MATEY: We’ll see about that next time we’re crawling home and I bloody well have to drag your ass up the hill

WASSIS NAME: Which is what is called a “digression”. What I’m talking about is intelligence, mate, not brawns but brains, man --it’s brains he’s lacking going up there writing bloody SLEG all over the place…Afro Kiddy he walks some sort of walk but he can’t talk about nothing other than shit like where he’s getting his next hairdo and why GELS is a fucking scrat-end…which is why I’m saying Afro Kiddy is somewhat lacking in the top draw of the department of the sharpest bag of knives --which is like where your brain is and that.

OLD MATEY: The point is Afro Kiddy he don’t need no one bothering about him, and that’s why he got caught ---simple as that and no questions.

WASSIS NAME: So like basically what you’re saying is that Afro Kiddy’s blatant and shameless hooliganism, so messily encapsulated by his bootless graffiti, directly contravenes the nanny state mentality of our unmanly times? Or some sort of shit like that...

OLD MATEY: Yeah but no but...know what I mean?